More Questions than Answers

My social media feed is terrifying me today. Actually, it’s not the news stations that are causing the fright…it’s our world. The fact that there are people who exist in this world, who would deliberately plan to harm others.

Heartless. Yet, professing to do these horrific acts out of faith.

Direct. Yet, emotionally affecting those on the outside.

And it just keeps happening.

Yesterday, two people attacked a group of people at the San Bernardino Regional Center in California. The fact that it happened at a Regional Center, where individuals go to get treatment for a variety of medical afflictions…where children go for therapy…it truly makes me sick.

It makes me want to scream out, “Just Stop!” Stop the killing. Stop hurting innocent people. Just stop…

Why do people do this? What has to come undone in their minds, in their lives, for them to want to lash out in such violence. How is this worth it? How could a God, any God…condone such acts of incredible hate. This is pure, unadulterated hatred. It’s evil. Putting aside any argument over religious beliefs, isn’t it possible to just whittle this down to where it’s a matter of humanity?

This entire scene that is currently unfolding on every single media outlet is one that hits too close to home. Too close because it’s on the West Coast, in California, at a center that provides services to disabled individuals.

I’m torn writing this, as I don’t want to give these evil beings any more notoriety than they already have. I won’t write their names, I just can’t do it. But, I will say that I can’t help but just be in utter shock over this. Building pipe bombs, which would then be used to destroy and kill. That the killings would take place during a Christmas party. That these acts would be done at a facility where healthcare services are given to disabled individuals. It all just completely falls outside my realm of comprehension. I’m not stupid by any means, but I can’t wrap my head around how this happens.

As I write this, my own child is in therapy at a very similar facility to the San Bernardino Regional Center. Of course, this news made me contemplate what I would do, if this were to happen here. It prompted me to ask her therapist what the plan is, should something happen here.

Plans. If the evil of the world wants to plan on killing, on targeting a facility where the most dependent in our society are, where our children are…then what are we to do?

1,600 rounds of ammo. This is what the shooters had on them when they showed up at the Regional Center with an intent to kill. They came to desecrate lives, and they succeeded. How can we make it, make them, make the evil…stop?

How do I, a mother, ensure that my child grows up in a world that is safe?

I don’t know the answer to that question. Nor do I know the answer to the political debates which always heat up after a mass shooting such as this one.

What I do know, is that I want a safer world. I know that I have been looking at the world around me with different eyes for some time now. I know that I LOOK at people around me, in a different way than I did before. I know that I have become more critical of situations, more guarded.

I know that this won’t be the last one. I know that there will be more news, more terrifying acts of evil, more confusion and more fear.

So tell me. Do we just go on as before, only more suspicious of those around us, and pray that we aren’t an item on CNN on evening? I don’t want to end up as collateral damage. But how do we go on?

When my daughter asks about the things she hears, the things she sees, I tell her that very bad people did very bad things. I want to do more than just sweep this under the rug for her though. I want her to have a game plan for survival in case something like this hits our home. Because as it is, it’s too damn close to home.

I wonder, what do others tell your kids? How do you prepare them? How do we make them safe, prep them for safety, without teaching them to be afraid or to distrust and hate?

I’m leaving this post open-ended, because there is no clear solution. No ending in sight. Just more questions that need to be answered.



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