Panic at the Disco.

There was a time when worry wasn’t part of my daily life. I could say that in a way that chapter ended when I became a Mom.

That’s how it goes right? Motherhood and Worry? Like Peanut Butter and Jelly. It just goes together. That’s part of the package deal when the life you’re most concerned about isn’t your own, but this precious little gift of another human life. Moms are at times so insane because we are responsible for keeping another person alive! We become Mama Bears, or Helicopter Parents or Dragon Mothers because we have to. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve spent 9 months growing this person inside your body, or if you adopted, or had a surrogate, or whatever the case may be. The minute you become MOM, shit changes.

I don’t sleep really well.

In fact, for about 6 years, I didn’t sleep at all. 

Why? Because I was worried.

Because in the room across the hall, a tiny girl lay sleeping. And in that tiny girl’s brain, a war was raging. And the battle was for control of this girl’s brain. And many times, this girl couldn’t the line against enemy fire, and they would break through and win. This would cause the girl’s entire body to seize. And even though there were weapons being used in an attempt to defeat this enemy…the battle raged on. And on. And On.

This war lasted for 6 years.

Until finally, the enemy was forcibly removed. 

And the little girl (and her Mom) could sleep peacefully again.

I sleep better now. We both do. And I still worry. That’s just motherhood. I worry because I’ve never loved so deeply or so fiercely. And I’m worried…because I don’t ever want to live a day without it, without her.

To all the mamas out there who are losing sleep…take good care. Your babies need you.

And to all the babies who are waging wars that they shouldn’t even have to fight…your mamas love you more than you will ever know. And don’t stop fighting.

Here’s to a good night’s sleep.

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